Cooking with Jack #31: “Miracle Blades Series 3 – As Seen On TV”

This blog is dedicated to spreading the truth about Jack Scalfani, a child abuser and racist who has run up modest celebrity on the internet through his “Cooking with Jack” youtube channel. For a long but by no means exhaustive list of what Jack has done, please see this post.

Originally uploaded: 01 August 2009

Comments: Enabled

Jack describing his filmed, editing and streamed through the internet programmeas “live on the air” is yet another indicator of how his mind is entirely taken over by television: not knowing how to temper eggs into hot liquid, his contempt for cooking.

I have… opinions about knives, being the enthusiastic amateur cook that I am, but I’ll spare you. Jack doesn’t appear to have opinions or preferences about knives though. What does Jack like in a knife? What are the main tasks he’ll use different knives for? Why do these need to be appraised for doing things knives are supposed to do? Kind reader, this is why his product reviews are so useless and devoid of entertainment value: they’re delivered by a man who doesn’t cook, with no interest in cooking. I mean yeah, a fucking serrated fillet knife so you have to hack and cut, and your meat gets all roughed up, how ingenious!

Also of note is how he refers to the kitchen as belonging to his wife, even though he’s the one supposedly preparing meals for the family, and also sits around the house all day not doing anything. Because nothing is funnier or cheekier than having a woman clean up after you like you’re a goddamn child. And unless I’m mistaken this is the first “Cabana” ad for the sauce that’ll be the mainstay of the show for the foreseeable future. It’s basically a photo of every upper-middle-class barbecue I’ve ever been to, and the bizarre grammar still frustrates me, but mercifully it’s short.

You know, at the absolute least his broad panto is more energetic and indeed, more engaging than the tired shell of a man he is these days. It’s a rather backhanded compliment I suppose, that he’s not even clearing the low bar of dishonest mugging these days, but central to unpacking why Jack endures despite being despicable is attempting to work out his appeal. What semiotic level are we, as an audience, meant to be appreciating this on? What layer of abstraction was it designed to be consumed at, and at what layer does it come across? I’m not sure I’ll ever have any idea.

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