Cooking with Jack #30: “How to make Rice Pudding”

This blog is dedicated to spreading the truth about Jack Scalfani, a child abuser and racist who has run up modest celebrity on the internet through his “Cooking with Jack” youtube channel. For a long but by no means exhaustive list of what Jack has done, please see this post.

Originally uploaded: 26 July 2009

Comments: Enabled

And thus begins Jack’s long-running, one-sided feud with the Food Network over the suitability of an angry, racist child abuser to have his own TV show.

Even if they did have space on their network for his particular brand of no-energy half assedry, utilising your viewers to pester and spam them is the exact thing that’s going to make them hate you. Or at the very least the low-level, powerless staff who have to sift through this bullshit, at any rate. The video itself is a wonderful demonstration of exactly why Jack offers a major network nothing: a guy speaking in a bored-sounding monotone, offering paltry advice and dull commentary. Guy Fieri is a hack who could easily be replaced by a koosh ball on a stick, but at least I understand why people like him, what his appeal is. What’s Jack’s appeal? His desire to commit genocide? After being flat-out rejected and throwing a tantrum on film, Jack would later claim that his audience is the “98% of people who Food Network doesn’t cater to” which is a comically egotistical claim. At least Food Network’s slick production values, good editing and charismatic hosts can also half-ass a recipe, add too much mayonnaise and butter to it, assure the viewer repeatedly of how easy it is all and still keep it within a reasonable time frame.

That sauna advertisement, though… I went to the website and it’s a hilarious bitcoin-based scam, so clearly hiring Jack on the back of 30 videos worth of youtube celebrity did wonders for their business. Maybe that’s what he has in common with Food Network celebrities: his willingness to debase himself, schilling the dubious benefits of a product. I mean, a fucking sauna… what ungodly bourgeois household is this for? Certainly not the majority of the young-skewing youtube demographic, that’s for damn sure.

The pudding… eh, whatever. He’s useless at cooking.

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