Cooking with Jack #4: “TATER MITTS TEST”

This blog is dedicated to spreading the truth about Jack Scalfani, a child abuser and racist who has run up modest celebrity on the internet through his “Cooking with Jack” youtube channel. For a long but by no means exhaustive list of what Jack has done, please see this post.

Originally uploaded: 6 May 2008

Comments: Enabled

Either some videos have been deleted here or it took the originals a while to blow up, because it took Jack a full 15 months to release another video after the original three. The latter makes sense with Jack deciding that a core component of how he presented himself to the world would be based on being lazy, I suppose, and according to the video information we go from “Season 1 Episode 3” to “Season 2 Episode 4”. I’ll touch on it more below but the common trait of internet personalities to mimic the jargon of broadcast television they’ve absorbed is another classic Jack hallmark. Except in his case it’s for the delusions of a racist, domestic violence committing manchild and not a 14 year old with a pirated copy of Flash calling themselves “Sephiroth Vegeta Studios”.

Anyway, there are several milestones in this video, as it’s the original product review that is also mercifully brief. Immediately we have Jack acting undeservedly outraged over a shitty, cheap infomercial product that an early hominid could tell you wouldn’t work (you’re meant to boil the potatoes first, apparently, which is stupid anyway). Also Jack appears to have decided sickly lime green was essential to his brand as it will be our background right up until the move to Tennessee. Given Jack’s tepid showbiz aspirations it’s possible he painted his kitchen this colour with the intention of using it for green screen effects but it seems more likely that he’s just completely devoid of taste.

Boy, what a difference a year and a quarter makes, as Jack is looking way worse than he did in the last video. This is also the first appearance of the ungainly crucifix around his neck which will be a near-constant presence from now on. I doubt Jack got more devout in between the last videos and this one but it does speak to his love of physical symbols. For Jack, things like the crucifix necklace and his gaudy drug lord wedding ring aren’t an outward symbol of something cherished and personal, the symbol is important in and of itself separate from the values it’s meant to represent. This also seems to predate the sauces’ merchandise and the updated website logo is still fading in. I guess as his viewership began to fade after the initial spark was when he started pushing the sauces harder and harder. We also finally have an end slate devoted to “GiveMe Entertainment” and the unabashedly Godbothering “3R1 Productions”, which, given a lack of evidence to the contrary is his brother’s nascent “production company”. God, needing to brand yourself as a fucking production company, let alone two, to upload a shitty video to youtube really does scream from the rooftops about the collective Scalfani ego. At least the 14 year olds on Newgrounds who credit themselves as “Sephiroth Vegeta Studios” simply don’t know any better.

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